Come For The Banter - Stay For The Disappointment

Nucks Fan Rebuild & Retool Center - Come For The Banter - Stay For The Disappointment

TANKO - the new game that brings joy to the misery

January 29, 2026

- Vern Faulkner

The Canucks suck. They are tanking. It's horrible. The team is pretty much as bad as it's ever been, lacks direction and identity, is on pace to set the all-time home-ice futility record. But we here at Nucks Misconduct share your misery, and since some of us have been riding this train of futility for (does math) 40-plus years*, we realize that sometimes all you can do is try to find humour in the insanity.

So, here's Tanko - the bingo-style game you can play at home. Just print this off and play along next game. If you're one of those hippie off-grid types like the author, cut/paste and dump into your favourite spreadsheet and you can enjoy the misery of fandom without killing a tree in the process. During game-day, play along. First person to post "TANKO" into a bluesky thread tagged #canucks earns fame, glory and the joy of being one of the few Canucks fans who will know what's it's like to win something.

T	A	N	K	O
Radio or TV broadcast mentions Quinn Hughes during game	Rookie makes dumb play, minutes reduced	Canucks penalized in the last three minutes of the game	Tyler Myers out of position on a goal	Opposition player drafted after a Canucks Pick scores
Foote says “resilient” or “resilience” at game-day skate or pre-game radio hit	Foote says “trust the process" in pre- or post-game interviews.	Penalty kill surrenders goal	EP 40 falls down/is knocked down	Veteran makes bonehead play, minutes not reduced
BC-based opposition player scores	Arshdeep Bains called up/sent down within 72 hours before	Thatcher Demko injured	Jake DeBrusk fails to score	Foote says “resilient” or “resilience” in pre- or post-game comments
Brock Boeser held goal-less	Evander Kane takes a dumb penalty	Player/coach mentions “system,” whatever that means	Foote says “We can’t make those mistakes” post-game	Team mis-reports/mis-evaluates injury in previous 72 hours
Opposition has a player out-scoring EP40 at less cost	Marcus Petterson is out of position on a goal	Opposition scores empty-net goal	Power play fails to score	Video review goes against the Canucks

* I wonder if that entitles me to some kinda team-funded counselling for grief and stress?

COMMENTS

Comment System How-To

New NM, new comment system. Still uses words and stuff. Hover over the icons to see what they do.

The most vital function is image embedding. Paste the link to the image in the comment box. When the comment is posted, the image appears. Most of the time.

NOTE: Remove the non-image name jibberish. If the image link has any stuff after the file extension - usually a ? with directives like: woo.gif?size=480 blah blah - delete up to and including the ? - simples.

GIF it up for Westy! Or still life in rum.

NOTE: Comments refresh every 30 seconds. Not fast enough for most of our lightening round contestants. We are working to increase the refresh speed. Just... not working too hard... because NM labour guidelines. Thanks for being patient!