Come For The Banter - Stay For The Disappointment

Nucks Fan Rebuild & Retool Center - Come For The Banter - Stay For The Disappointment

Tanko for the 28th of the month of Tankness

March 28, 2026

- Vern Faulkner

Tank goodness the season is almost over. Because the highly-paid professional who crafts this messy little bingo-like exploration of frustration and futility was clearly NOT on the ball, delivering a sub-par effort the last few Tankos.
Speaking of Sub-par, the hapless Vancouver Canucks are in Calgary tonight. The Canucks are horrid, the Calgary Flames are wretched, but who will outstink the other? It's the battle of the Pacific Division basement - its the Toilet Bowl!

Ok. We've spent enough energy on words. Here's this evening's Tanko. Any five-box line means you're a winner (unlike the Canucks).

T	A	N	K	O
Veteran makes bonehead play, minutes not reduced	Rookie makes mistake, minutes reduced	Opposition scores 5 or more goals	Opposition has a player out-scoring EP40 at less cost	Jake DeBrusk fails to score
Player/coach mentions “system,” whatever that means	EP40 <50% in faceoff circle	Video review goes against the Canucks	Atu Raty barely given ice time.	Foote gives big minutes to Evander Kane
Radio/TV mentions Gavin McKenna	Opponent scores hat-trick	Thatcher Demko injured	Flames rookie scores first goal	Opposition player bumps scoring slump
Evander Kane takes a dumb penalty	Canucks penalized in the last three minutes of the game	Canucks Shut Out	Marcus Petterson out of position on a goal.	Coach says “resilient/resilience” at game-day skate/pregame
EP 40 falls down/is knocked down	Opposition scores empty-net goal	Penalty kill surrenders goal	Power play fails to score	EP 40 fails to get a shot on goal. Again.

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